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Daily Prompt: Transformation – Gravida 1

via Daily Prompt: Transformation

Family, they say, is where life begins and love never ends.

Two days ago Mr. Q and I were overjoyed upon knowing that I was pregnant. We were so delighted because after 11 months, we can finally start a family of our own. But these positivity died out so fast when I experienced spotting that very same day when we were already home. We stayed calm and decided to see an OB-GYNE the following day. To our dismay, I was already bleeding when I went to the comfort room right before my scheduled ultrasound.

The doctor said that I was 6 weeks pregnant but the gestational sac turned out to be too tiny than it should be. With the rate of my bleeding, there was no hope for the pregnancy to push through.

It was truly a miracle how my husband and I survived God’s revelation inside the ultrasound room. When we were asked to wait for the OB at her clinic, I knew we both just wanted to be at our  room. To be at the comforts of our bed and the familiar walls. Without a doubt we just wanted to cry our hearts out, kiss, and hug each other. But we waited and was finally cleared to go home.  It was heart breaking to leave the hospital knowing how joyful we were the previous day.

God knows how grateful I was for my husband who only showed compassion and strength as we went home. We both broke down on our way and I can only imagine how our guardian angels secured the streets as we hugged and cried while he was driving. 

It was such an unfortunate event but nonetheless  I am thankful we had to experience it. There are manners to love that can only be expressed in these exact moments of our lives. Encountering them in  different situations will only convey different manner of love, less significant, less appreciated. 

Life is for and by God alone. It is not earned through the purest desires of hearts, nor even by the plans we involved God with. Life is only God’s miracle which He solely starts and ends perfectly. 

To our Baby Q, you are our family. You are the miracle that we will always recall everyday as we live a transformed life without you in it. Hope to see a bigger and healthier version of you in Gravida 2.

Love,

Mrs Q

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Happily Ever After — Take One!

Summer in Butuan City is a season long celebration of weddings. So here is a throwback to my friends, Alrex and Suzette’s big day.

Marriage, they say, shouldn’t be showy. But I guess it wouldn’t hurt if we add up a little thrill on wedding days to add hype to everyone’s experience. I considered sharing this very coherent movie-themed wedding I attended last 2011 that I believe was well thought of and most of all hindi pinagpilitan. The fact that the couple are frequent moviegoers make the conceptualization a no brainer.

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INVITATION: caricature of the couple at a movie house

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GIVEAWAYS: paper mache of a popcorn

Another version of the souvenir was corn kernel placed inside a transparent bottle and wrapped with ribbons. 404919_10150507962897940_1877598777_n

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Popcorn Bouquet

The popcorn bouquet was used during the reception in place of the calla lily used at the ceremony.

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TABLE NUMBER: movie titles

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CAKE: movie clapper and film strips

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ENGAGEMENT SHOOT: movie house

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ENGAGEMENT SHOOT: took along friends as extras 🙂

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ENGAGEMENT SHOOT

Although not in photo:

*their pre nup pictures were mounted on the side of the reception area like movie poster

*their menu and programme cards were laid out like movie tickets

*an excerpt from a musical movie was re enacted by the couple and selected friends, filmed, and was show during the reception

What better way to add romantic aura on your big day than to have String Musicians play while you walk down the famous aisle or to your first dance as a married couple.

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Barter System: The Make-Believes of Social Media

It is none of my business, however when you post a thing or two on the web, you are feeding my mind, our minds.

At times I find it disturbing how social networking sites have become a shit absorber. There are flooding posts on a bad day as if it really was that worse when they just waited longer in the line than they usually do or when it has always been the case all their life and they just happen to have 24h unlimited access to the web. There is an outpour of people insinuating love, false love, fear, sadness, happiness, boredom, anger etc. Then feel bad on people talking about them.

There is freedom of expression, I could not argue with that. But we could not just get naked on the street because we wanted to be as honest in expressing ourselves right? Or slap a customer for being such a biatch? Yes sweet little nothings and mysterious shout outs could be fun but I really hope you could post something with substance too.

Life is a barter system. When you give out peace you might just be handed with appreciation. When you give out crap, people will give you a ribbing.

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The Book I’d Write: Last Straw

BLURB: “Even in silence I chose to love him still, for loving seems enough. That loving me in return did not matter anymore”

Chapter 4: Plead for Love
by Johanna Almendras
July 31, 2008

He visited because he wants to know if I’m still mad at him. I told him the truth, that there were days that I wake up cursing him and there were days that I wish him well and days that I just honestly don’t think about him at all.

“Do I still own my spot?” Must be the mushy-iest question he asked.

“If you could have asked me the same question 2 years ago then my answer would be yes”,I responded.

You must think that it was the weirdest and the most indirect way of answering the question. But I couldn’t think of any better way of holding back what I really feel without totally lying.

Why did he want to know? He probably thinks that the very reason why I still hate him is because I still have feelings for him, that after 4 years I’m still mad, I’m still in pain.

Confronted by the question, I felt intense sadness. I cried. Crying is not new to me at all only this time the reason behind the teardrop is. This time I’m no longer crying because I’m in pain, I’m crying because I’m in love…still madly in love.

I’ve spent four years of my life without him. I suffered, struggled and was wounded but I made it through. With my family and friends I was healed. What’s a fresh cut going to do me now? Nothing would be as painful as his betrayal. So why would I bother myself with one question?

But like any other benign tumor, it spreads. From a spark, it’s turned into a gigantic ball of fire. I hope and hope and now I’m starting to pray that he still loves me. I pray that nothing has changed. That he is still the same person I knew and I’m still the same person he was crazy for. That someday I’d hear him say that he wants me back. That all these time he thinks about me. That we was wrong about leaving me. Because me? In each day I stumble, each day I smile, each triumph, each decision…it has always been him, it has always been just him.

“He must not know”, I tell myself.

I can’t tell him. It’s very inappropriate. He is in a 4-year relationship , in a happy and seems to be a strong one.

“Let me ask you a hypothetical question then. What if I’d break up with her? Will everything be okay with us?”

Just like that, the tumor was miraculously eradicated. I’ve been waiting to hear it. I’ve imagine it so many times that I knew exactly what to do next. I’d hug him tight and feel him and every bit of him. But I did not do so. Theory after all is not always equivalent to practice. I suddenly realized that it was not the ultimate cure, that the tumor could still return. It was not the food that would satisfy my hungry soul. I needed to know and hear something else.

Sobbing, I stood up and said “I don’t want you to break up with her because of me. I want you to break up with her because you don’t love her”

I paused for 2 seconds and proceed, “because you love me”

That was it! It was the root of my pain. I envy her and his love for her. I’m hurt not only because he does not love me but because he loves her. It’s two different things. I love him and he loves her, that’s absurd.

While he is loving her, I am loosing him. What a painful idea this is. I probably love the guy too bad that I could only wish him happiness still. I once encountered a sad quote that says “slowly I’m losing you, still I manage to smile cause I know life is not about who you lose but it’s what you find. I found you, now you found her, it’s your turn to be happy… I had mine”.

Yes indeed I HAD mine. Loving him is the happiest moment of my life. I consider it as the essence of my existence but I know I have to let him go.

“Kristel, you are wonderful and extra special the way you are. I love you in a different way that I love her”, he explained.

“Which love is better?”, I asked.

He did not answer. He looked pained.

“Then why the hell go all the way here and ask me stupid leading questions?”

“I don’t want you to be mad at me. I don’t want you to suffer, to feel pain”

I stared at him with uncertainty.

He continued, “If only I could heal you, save you from your suffering, then I would. It’s hard to go on each day knowing that I caused someone pain. If I could only command your heart to stop beating for me… but I know I just can’t. How you still feel this way after all that happened? It’s amazing. It’s overwhelming and crazy too. And no one can question your love. It is unconditional, something that I don’t deserve and cannot repay”

I am crying once again, or was I the whole time?

“So this is how I will always be? Your special someone? Is there no credit for my unconditional love that you say?”

“I can’t tell you want you want to hear. The truth may hurt by lies will hurt you even more”

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Circuitous Path to Saving

First things first—-I am no financial guru.

The world have different standards when we speak of richness. To some one million is the benchmark, while for others five thousand. For many though fifty thousand will do.

Many may not realize it but apart from standards, we may also be using different units. Some may consider themselves rich for acquiring monetary wealth. Others measure richness with the number of business ventures they have. Still others consider themselves rich for having many friends.

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But what keeps rich people rich? — Saving!

The truth is, saving is very addicting. Eureka! that’s why millionaires keep acquiring more and spending less. This is probably the reason why it is effortless for people who have money to stop themselves from being lured to promotional sales, shopping giveaways, etc. They are hardest people to convince to buy something they do not need at the moment.

Stewarding my own finances made me realized that every individual has a “saving threshold”. A point where one begins and is more motivated to save. In my case that would be ten thousand. It was almost impossible for me to reach this amount for a long time but when I did it was easier to be more thrift in buying anything. But when an unforeseen expense came my way and my savings went lower that my saving threshold I was back to square one. So the trick is pretty simple, never fall beyond your threshold.

How to reach your saving threshold? Here are desirable habits that you may start considering in order to manage your finances better. These are compilations of books I’ve read, movies I’ve seen, seminars I’ve attended to and even lectures I gave.

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It was from Sophie Kinsella’s, Confessions of a Shopaholic that I’ve learned to write down my expenses every time I come home. It was an effective way to save because I became conscious of my daily expenses. From there I was able to identify what was the big chunk of my day’s expense (food, taxi etc). But the most surprising revelation was those cheap but repetitive charges or payments I made. It is the unconscious and painless payments that made us ask ourselves “Where did my money go?” at the end of the week.

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I personally believe that promotional sales are not for everybody. While buying on sale period makes us “save”, zero spending it still better that 70-80% savings in the form of discounts. SALES don’t look for me, I look for it. I don’t buy a thing because it is on sale, I plan to buy a thing and wait for it to be on sale. Typically the world would tell us that this is going to be harder for women that it would be for men.

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We all hate it but we can never get rid of it, even if we are way pass college. If you want to save, get the exact figures. Compute your daily, weekly or monthly target savings. Never miss a centavo when consolidating costs. Know your numbers and it will surely grow. Just this year I enrolled in online banking, so I can keep track of all deposits and withdrawals I make (and do away with keeping atm receipts).

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When the dead presidents are within your reach, it is harder to resist spending. So I never withdraw cash until I can no longer pay for a cab. Got scolded for this way back college when my sister knew about this habit 😛 For some of us it may also come handy when we someone else saves for us. My mom used to deposit  my paycheck in our joint account which made it hard for me to access my money (because I forgot my pincode and was too lazy to do something about it). And yes she saved for me 🙂 Then after a year, I started saving on my own, using my own bank account. I even invested on treasury bonds from a different bank (and forgot my atm pincode again). And guess what? I am now safe keeping someone else’s money too—paying it forward.

I’m no millionaire but I sure have managed my finances well. Hope you learned a thing or two.

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A Rusty Sundate

A Rusty SundateLAST HURRAH

It was our last quality time together as a family last Sunday before my sister heads back to Cebu. I convinced them all to watch the UAAP Cheerdance Competition while having our afternoon snack. We first dropped by Margie’s Bakeshop (coffee shop) and Pan de Pugon to buy some foodies 🙂

DEFINITELY GOT SERVED!

Weekend, if ever I have one, is my time to detox and pamper myself. I work for a community drugstore so I get to serve customers the whole week. The drugstore I work for fronts a hospital so most of our customers are irritable watchers deprived of sleep, emotionally drained and financial challenged. It takes so much patience and a bag of charisma to satisfy (if not please) these group of individuals. But this Sunday (Sept 15) I get to play the “customer” role, only that I am not irritable at all. As the manager of the drugstore at the same time I know for sure how toxic it is attending to every customer’s complaints, most specially if it is about service rendered.

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fwp1Congratulations to UP Pep Squad by the way 🙂

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